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5 Regular Questions Men Ask on a Date That Experts go Against

5 Regular Questions Men Ask on a Date That Experts go Against...

Here are reasons why you shouldn’t ask a woman these questions on your next date
Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash

By Mauris Othuke

First dates can be pretty hectic and intimidating. So as men, we try to say what comes next to our head to fill in the awkward silence and also to make our date feel like we find them interesting.

Silence is king but not on a first date. Meaning it’s inevitable that a man has to talk. But that doesn’t mean he should open his mouth to say things that will make the other party feel unease.

Just like a job interview, if the applicant doesn’t say the right thing, they end up losing the opportunity. That’s also how it is with the first date. If a man does not say the right thing, he ends up being ghosted by the woman at the end of the date.

So how can men avoid being ghosted or irritating the woman they are on a date with? Here are 5 questions experts says you should avoid in order to help reduce your chance of getting on your date’s wrong side;

1. What’s your relationship like with your parents?

Yes, it’s not a wrong thing to desire to know your date more, especially when you’re impressed by what you see. But that shouldn’t make you talk to them like they are your peers.

According to Rori Sassoon, a New York relationship expert, “asking people invasive questions regarding their relationship with family and friends gets too nosy, and it’s not your business”.

The question of “how life has been with their parents, or what it was like growing up or who’s your favorite parent” and all that family questions should be totally avoided, except she doesn’t mind talking about it by raising the topic.

2. How would you do something you don’t like?

The fact that you hate something your date does, doesn’t mean you have the legal right to criticize them for doing it. — one man’s food another man’s position.

Though it might make you feel like you’re not compatible. Criticizing them for what they do will not make them feel comfortable around you. This might also make them feel down on the date.

So “avoid judgmental comments and questions about what someone does or hangs out with, etc.” says Andrea Syrtash a co-author and dating expert.

3. Why did you wear that?

Regardless of what a woman wears or the way she styles it, every man is supposed to recognize the fact that the woman had to put up her best to impress you not to be judged by you.

“Don’t say anything about your date’s appearance unless it’s a direct compliment even if they look different in real life than they do in their photos” says Claudia Duran a Miami matchmaker.

Even if you’re not impressed and have no plans of seeing them again, don’t question what they wear because they will feel mocked.

4. Why did you leave your ex?

“Haha, you’re so funny and charming … but why did your ex leave? BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ. Try as much as possible to cut the “why are you no longer with your ex” out of your vocabulary.

According to Susan Winters, a New-York love coach, “this question is problematic for multiple reasons, however — including the fact your date likely won’t be honest with you”.

A woman is most likely going to tell you why she broke up with an ex with time. Let that time come, don’t force it because you’re looking for red flags.

5. Are you interested in a relationship?

Chances are before you think of popping this question, she has impressed you with her looks, personality, and style. And you might be thinking, “maybe it’s time to secure the bag”.

According to Claudia Duran “even if you’re looking for someone to get serious with, no one likes to be asked on the first because it’s too early to say”.

This question makes your date feel pressured and they are more likely to give you an answer that doesn’t come from the bottom of their heart or say something that won’t make you happy.

Yes, it’s not easy to avoid these questions, but these questions, on the other hand, irritates your date and ruin your chances of seeing them again.

So here are the key takeaways;

  • Remove questions about parents from the conversation.
  • Even if you’re not comfortable with something she does, don’t criticize her for it.
  • She has put in efforts to look her best for you, don’t question her about her appearance.
  • Leave talking about eX for mathematics.
  • It’s not a wedding, don’t ask her if she wants in a relationship or not.

4 Lessons From Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston’s Controversy to Make You a Better Person…

4 Lessons From Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston’s Controversy to Make You a Better Person...

By Mauris Othuke

Brad Pitt is definitely making news these days. He’s the hottest thing on the internet and maybe Tinder(speculated) right now.

But despite all the news and rumors about him, it’s inevitable to say that he’s a man who has entertained us a lot.

Even though we’re not sure if he’s coming back, dating or getting married to Jennifer Aniston again, he has shown some gestures which position him as a sweet and knowledgeable man.

So here four lessons you can learn from what’s going on with Brad Pitt and Jeniffer Aniston that can help you become a better person;

1. Reach Out to Friends

After the death of Jennifer Aniston’s mother. Brad Pitt ignored the fact that he and Jeniffer were both divorced, but picked up his phone to talk to her about what has happened with her mother.

Regardless of what the news might be about your friends, don’t act like it’s nothing or it doesn’t mean much. You have their phone number or social media details.

Pick up your phone and reach out to them. Celebrate with them, mourn with them, that’s what a good friend does. Even if it’s just to say Happy new month or congratulate them about reaching a milestone or achieving a goal, do it.

2. Learn To Offer Condolences

“Brad Pitt contacted Jen after her mother died and she was touched that he knew what a difficult time it was,” sources say.

It’s generally not easy talking to a friend or colleague who lost someone they had a relationship with. Sometimes, we wish we don’t get to meet the person during the period of loss because we want to avoid the awkward feeling.

Well, it isn’t statutory that you offer condolence face to face to that person going through a loss. If meeting up or talking to the person’s face to face makes you feel nervous, pick up the phone to call or text them. This helps to reduce the tension the next time you see them.

The truth is, this awkward feeling doesn’t go away whenever you meet the person for the first time, even if it’s two months later. So don’t avoid it.

Offering condolences also positions you as a sensible an emotionally matured person. Though avoiding the person feels easier, learning to offer condolence is a human gesture as Brad Pitt has shown.

3. Learn To Say Sorry For Wrong Doings

Brad Pitt apologized to Aniston for his mistakes during their divorce. Pitt had always felt like he could have handled the end of their marriage in a more thoughtful manner.

Generally, when we’re not happy with the results we get, we tend to express our emotions differently from the way we do when we’re happy. And this could seem offensive to the people around us.

We’re often aware of the moment we’ve wronged others. Ghosting people or acting like you don’t care isn’t the way to go when we’re wrong.

Say sorry to whoever you might have wronged to unburden yourself. There’s no beauty or reward in holding onto things that aren’t helping you grow, especially when you’re the one at fault.

4. Don’t Cut People Off Your Life Because of Misunderstandings

Despite being divorced, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston still had each other’s numbers and they often communicate with one another from time to time.

It’s really easy to let people, unfollow or cut them off our lives especially when they offend us or go against us. Then we begin to think “what’s the benefit of having them around?”.

Well, except they have committed a treasonous act which is unfathomable, recognize the fact that you and that person came together for a reason, and you’ve been enjoying each others company for a while. Don’t let ego or misunderstandings make you cut off that person or friend off your life.

According to Napoleon Hill, “it’s more rewarding to lock hands than to lock horns”.

The key takeaway from this whole Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s controversy is, regardless of what has happened, holding onto things won’t help you become a better person, let go so you can live freely.

Why The Season Is No Reason To Rush Into A Possible Explosive Relationship

Why The Season Is No Reason To Rush Into A Possible Explosive Relationship…

The best things usually take time!
Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash

By Mauris Othuke

Regardless of what you’re wearing or your current live location, the picture socially doesn’t get enough admiration during the holiday season when everyone else is posing with their partner.

Thoughts like; “I spent the last holiday all alone, do I have to go through the same suffering for the next?” might force you to do what you know you’re not really ready for.

So are you going to allow “what you think they will think” make you do what you know you’re not really ready for? By rushing into a relationship because you desire to have a beautiful looking 24 hours — sometimes just 12 hours? I mean you’ve got to sleep right?

Well, here are 5 reasons in addition to the fact that it’s something which you’re not really ready for, you should consider before rushing into a relationship because of the season;

1. You May Compromise Yourself

The rush of securing someone for the season could sometimes make you compromise yourself and do things that you don’t really want to do.

The first thing you need to know is, whenever we do things in a hurry, we usually don’t end up with the best results. Which leads us to stress ourselves to burnout.

You may also end up UNCONSCIOUSLY hurting your existing relationships, pushing family and friends away because you’re focused on spending more time and pleasing new bae.

Your desperation could also make those people who like you avoid or stay away because you’re bugging them for dates.

Other than that, even when you finally secure bae, you may end up saying or doing things that you don’t mean. Or even do and say things that stand against your values or make promises that you know you can’t keep. All in the name of being on their right side.

2. You Might Miss Reality

As you already know love takes time. It’s not something that happens overnight. A relationship that you rush into because of the season isn’t usually led by love. I know someone is about to whisper “what about love at first sight?”

The truth is everything good takes time. You’re most likely not going to get the best if you don’t give it time.

Rushing into a relationship doesn’t give room for understanding yourselves properly. Your intuition might tell you “they might like this thing”. But then they make faces after you’ve spent your time and money to get that thing you think is special for them.

Another way you might miss reality is that you won’t get to see them for who they truly are. Then you’d start thinking “if only I gave it time.”

Making the wrong decision during this season is inevitable. This will result from the inability to take your time while making decisions.

3. You Might End Up Doing Too Much But Not Enough

We’re bound to do everything possible to make them happy. All in the name of pleasing them so that they don’t find reasons to say no.

But here’s this. Most of the things you’re going to do are not what they really want. Because at the stage, you do things which you THINK ARE RIGHT, not what you know they really want.

Sometimes, your friends might tell you, you’re not on the right path, but you’re going to ignore them because they seem like an obstacle to your goal.

4. You Won’t Be Able to Tell If It’s Real

It’s somewhat inevitable that at this stage where you want to get into a relationship, you’d buy gifts and shower them with lots of presents.

What if they agree to go into a relationship with you because the gifts are too good to ignore, not you being too good to ignore? DANG!

There’s nothing as saddening as being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t “feel the same”.

You could also, unfortunately, get into a relationship with someone who is in a rebound mood. Just take a second to imagine your relationship now.

What if they’re not ready to build a relationship because the last one they tried to build didn’t turn out right? but the pressure from you was too much that they just had to agree?

5. It Will Lead You to Self Doubt

At the end, if eventually, things don’t turn out the way you want, then it means you’ve found yourself in another “failed relationship”.

Then you’ll begin to feel like you’re not really lovable and start singing “I’m bad at love” – by Halsey.

This could also lead you into distrusting your self-image, and signing up for team “love isn’t real”.

We’re not encouraging you to be single during the couples season. All we’re saying is, don’t rush into something that will help you feel happy for only one day.

Here are the key takeaways;

  • You might lose yourself trying to be or please someone else.
  • The good things in life take time, so are you looking for a good thing or a quick fix?
  • There’s nothing as frustrating as doing things with a lot of effort for someone who doesn’t think you’re not doing the right thing. That’s how it will feel then you don’t take time to know the other party.
  • What if they’re not ready for a relationship or don’t love you back?
  • If it fails you have another negative score at a relationship and might feel love isn’t for you.

By the way, if you’ve at one time or another found yourself thinking “what does a woman mean by doing this?” #Clickhere to get free daily tips on Instagram about how to understand women.

New Relationships Get Boring Over Time — Here are 5 Ways to Turn it Up

New Relationships Gets Boring Over Time — Here are 5 Ways to Turn it Up...

Yes! You Can Have A Loving Relationship After Infatuation Is Over

By Mauris Othuke

If there’s a word for how it feels with every new relationship, it’d be joy and paradise. But moments after we move in together or start seeing ourselves more than often, it’ll no longer be a word, it’d be series of introspective questions like “is this how things are going to continue?”

When the relationship was fresh, we usually pray to heaven to give us more time to spend with our partner. But sometime later, when our prayers finally get answered, we begin to “why didn’t this prayer get answered back then when I asked for it?”

Well, just like everything we want, if we don’t put the work in, we won’t experience change or enjoy it the way we want it. So here are a few things we can do to help our relationships grow;

1. Become A CO-mpany…

I’m not saying start a business. I’m saying, if you don’t do things together, it will be really easy to just continue doing things apart — and also do other relationships.

The one thing we all want or can never get enough of is getting in shape or losing weight. This is an easy way to start doing things together. Hitting the gym means you both have a goal that you’re both working on. And as we all know, people working on a goal tend to unite more than those who aren’t.

Other things you can do together include playing your favorite games together. One day, you play theirs and the other day for you. This can also be applied to watching movies and tv series. If they’re not willing to do things that you want, then it’s a sign that they’re not going to be there for you when you need them.

Another thing you can easily do together is going to bed at the same time. It’s usually awkward when one partner loses their sleep because the other is just creeping into bed. Holding yourself to sleep or talking to your s/o before going to bed also eases tension.

2. Act Like A Dog When Your Partner Comes Home

When the relationship began, we don’t let our partner go without saying goodbye. We sometimes call our partner just to tell them that they didn’t say goodbye before hanging up the call. But lately, we kind of don’t do that anymore.

A dog is always happy to see its owner return home every single time of the day.

Little things like welcoming your partner with a hug or giving them a kiss every time they return home can go a long way. I know it will feel like “work”, but do you remember how a welcome kiss or a goodbye made you feel when everything just started?

Other ways to give physical contact are holding hands and smiling at one another. Touch is a powerful thing. If you’re walking by at home, don’t act like they don’t exist, give them a kiss.

3. Speak Each Other’s Love Language

I’m not saying learn how to say “I love you” in Chinese or In German, although that might also be a beautiful thing to do too.

There’s a way your partner loves to be shown love, learn it, or if you’re too lazy, ask them. They will tell you — although sometimes they might ask you to observe. When you use your investigative or listening skills to find them out, (some want quality time together, others love going out together) do whatever they love. This boosts your partner’s happiness and also portrays you as someone who’s really interested in them.

Another off point that can also be tucked in here is, learning to resolve arguments the same day. The bed doesn’t feel the same when there’s an argument. The house temperature always feels different when there’s an argument — I mean there’s no beauty in having an argument with your partner.

4. Quit The “They Know I’m Grateful”

When the relationship began, we say thank you for things that don’t make sense. Don’t let familiarity make you lose your courtesy or social etiquette.

Everybody loves to be appreciated for every single effort they put into doing something for someone. Don’t you think your partner who goes extra length doing more for you deserves appreciation?.

Despite how many times they say don’t say thanks, I’d encourage you not to give in — to terrorist making demands. *winks

Thank them for everything they do. Tell them how much you enjoy their company, and how grateful you feel for having them in your life.

5. Make Them Feel Like Your Morning Star

I love you sometimes seem to be out of reach when the relationship grows into months. But no partner hates “I love you”. Don’t say it too often, but don’t make it seem like something you have to spend your whole money to get.

Also, buy your partner gifts. It’s an awkward thing to buy your partner a gift and all you get is “thank you” after a quick 2 seconds look at the gift. To avoid this feeling, buy them gifts from what they say they like, or items from their wish list.

I know you’d like them to wear what you love. But, how many times do you feel like wearing what they want over what you really want to wear? There’s no beauty in having your partner tell you “I haven’t found the perfect occasion to wear this” when the piece of clothing you bought for them isn’t a wedding dress or graduation uniform.

So, these are some areas where applying these simple changes, will bring a turn around to your relationship that is beginning to feel like it’s growing cobwebs.

Want More Admiration & Respect? Here Are 5 Social Mistakes To Avoid

By Mauris Othuke

These acts are also going to make you connect with more people, become admired and feel happier.
 
 

Sometimes acting how we want is the first impulse that comes to our mind in most situations — “I mean who cares right?”  But on the other hand, at the end of the action, we begin to second guess ourselves and start thinking “why didn’t I do it the other way? what will they think about me for doing this?” Which therefore reduces our efficiency or makes us bow our heads in shame.

So how do you act in social situations or environments, so that you won’t have to second guess yourself (kill your confidence level) but make people see you as someone who’s responsible? And on the other hand, make people admire your etiquette which will, therefore, raise your value and the level of respect you’re accorded?

Here are five situations where people generally blame themselves for acting how they want later, and how to avoid that;

1. Don’t Ignore Offering A Brief Condolence To Your Mate Or Colleague

It’s always an awkward moment when your bereaved colleague comes back into the office and you both make eye contact.

Don’t be the person who makes eye contact and throws away their face. That portrays you as insensitive and on the other hand, will make you feel restless.

The worst thing you can do during this situation is to act like nothing has happened or avoid the talk. The next worse thing to do is;

According to Larry King’s book “How To Talk To Anyone, Anytime Anywhere” “avoid the I know how you must feel” statement because what if the true untold circumstances of the death was caused by something unusual or violent, there’s no way in the world we could know how they feel. So also avoid comments like “this is such a tragedy or this is a terrible loss.”

Therefore, if you don’t know the person so well, just make a compliment on their achievement or saying “I’m sorry, we’ll really miss her! Is enough.” 

2. Don’t Just Rush To Help The Stranger Without Asking, Except During Emergencies

We, humans, are helpless creatures. We just can’t help but help the next person out. We unconsciously just want to superman it. Mind you, that’s not a wrong thing to do at all.

But sometimes, the goal is to find out a way out of that problem ourselves. Imagine someone coming to help you out just as soon as you want to lift the trophy all in the name of “it might be heavy”. How would that make you feel?

I know that isn’t often the situation, but sometimes, people feel offended when people who they don’t ask for help come to help out because they are sometimes testing their strength.

I mean haven’t you had that feeling of “why did I even do that?”. After helping someone out? So as soon as the urges  to help come, simply ask, “do you need help with that?”

3. Remove The Sunglasses When Someone’s Talking To You

Except you’re talking to another welder who’s working, talking to someone with sunglasses on is not the right way to go about it.

You cannot connect to/with anyone looking at their feet — I mean the one sure way to connect to anyone is by making eye contact.

While guys don’t really mind so much, women, on the other hand, hate it. We all understand it makes you look high class, but what’s the essence of talking to someone who you cannot connect with?

So, when you’re talking to people try taking off the sunglasses, even if you’re just asking for directions from a complete stranger.

4. Don’t Play Your Favorite Music Aloud In Presence Of Others

If you’re an upcoming artist, then people might not complain about you playing your music loud because you’re exhibiting it.

But when you’re in your car, or at home with someone else or a couple more people, playing music only you can understand loudly is seen as an inconsiderate thing to do.

If you’d like to show the next person what you’re listening to, that’s fine. But let them know. On the other hand, imagine yourself as an English man sitting in a house where someone is playing Chinese music out loud. Not only will it leave you distracted, it could also get you annoyed.

So if you’re driving a car with someone inside, play your favorite music – come on don’t lose your happiness! But do this in a considerate way where the other party can also peacefully do whatever they want.

5. Don’t Visit A Dinner Guest Without A Gift

I know you’re not Santa, but I bet you’d agree that bearing gifts makes everyone happy —smile! let’s not exaggerate.

Don’t think too hard, you weren’t invited over because they want a gift. But coming with a gift not only portrays you as someone who’s thoughtful but also as someone who knows how to do what makes people smile.

What do you know about someone who knows how to make people smile? — people generally like them right?

That’s about the five unwritten things people ignore but are important. You can definitely live a century without performing any one of these acts but imagine how life would feel and how high value you’d be perceived if you do these.

Here are 5 Reasons Why Your Friends With Benefits Relationship Won’t Last…

By Mauris Othuke

How to avoid love come in between this sweet thing.

 

 

We generally do not strategize or plan to get into a friends with benefits relationship. If often results from one great taste leading to wanting to try it again and maybe again until it’s official we’re here just to keep tasting ourselves for as long as we like.

According to Stacey Laura from MyDomaine, a friends with benefits relationship is that which two people are physically intimate with one another, yet they’re not committed to each other in any way. And that’s where the problem generally comes in!

We get so carried away with the enjoyment and the sexual intimacy that we begin to feel we can’t do without them and then we start wanting to get more involved with them which acts as a hole to the ship.

So here are five ways to avoid losing the good sex because of your emotions which the other party doesn’t want;

1. You’re Trying To Cultivate A Shared Interest

After the first and second awesome sex, it’s not unusual to start looking for ways to spend more time together because you want to enjoy more of what you’ve already.

This sometimes makes us cancel plans or clear our schedules just to be around one another. Although that’s not a bad thing. You should only focus on having sex and leaving.

Because the moment you start looking for more ways to be around one another, the more you’d start getting more interested in one another outside sex.

So resist the urge to do things like; going to the gym, seeing the latest movie or taking a new course together. Because according to Christina Powell, a psychotherapist, one of the best ways to foster a connection is through a shared activity.

2. You’re Getting Them to Talk More And Be Open

After a sex marathon or episode, we rarely want to pack our bags to leave. So we sometimes, end up staying on the bed for hours or watching Netflix together.

So in order to avoid a boring atmosphere, you decide to encourage them to open up or keep asking them personal questions that will make them want to reveal more about themselves to you.

Although getting them to reveal more about themselves to you isn’t something, you need to be reminded that, opening up to one another is what people who are in a romantic relationship do. And the more you open up, the more you find similarities which will, therefore, trigger liking one another more.

So, therefore, in other to avoid talking about things that will get you to like one another more, after sex, pack your bags and leave.

3. You’re Doing Things Because ….

In other words, you’re sacrificing yourself or happiness even though they might not mean much to you for theirs.

As little as buying things they want to buying things they like over buying what you really want, should be stopped because when you start buying the things which they want over the things which you want, it would make you start feeling invested in them, and no one wants to lose anything which they invest in.

So avoid buying the KFC over the McDonalds that you really want because she likes KFC, and you want to make them smile.

4. You’re Encouraging Going Out Together

According to Elite Daily, one out of the twelve things that makes people fall in love is going out together.

Going out together creates more room for you to see yourself, touch yourselves and enjoy one another’s presence outside the bed.

This is against the terms and conditions of friends with benefits relationships. Going out together is what only couples do to grow their relationship.

Soon enough, when you continue going out together for a while, you won’t want to go out without having them around you because “you’re used to it”. So if they bring it up, discourage it.

5. You’re Paying Attention to The Little Things

Little things always add up. They help improve a relationship and the value one person has for the other.

Activities like;

  • Doing the dishes because she loves a clean kitchen.
  • Helping her clean her sneakers because she’s lazy to do them.

All adds up, doing these things will make you feel more connected to her. Psychologically, we unconsciously want to be around people who we can help in one way or another.

So these are the 5 things which you should avoid if you’re afraid of heartbreak or not ready to fall in love.

The key thing to remember here is, after the business has been conducted don’t spend much more time together, it’s unhealthy.